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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2013 2:03:01 GMT -5
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Post by Pyro ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ✔ on Oct 25, 2013 2:55:34 GMT -5
Elven p.m., waking up in the evening
Gotta get flesh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my blow, gotta have serial
killer everything, the time is goin'
Tickin' on and on, everybody's robbin'
Gotta get down to the gun shop
Gotta catch my gun, I see my weapons (My friends)
Kickin ass in the front seat
Sittin them down in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which life can I take?
It's Friday, Friday
Gotta shoot pirates on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to their life end, life end
Friday, Friday
Gettin' shootin pirates on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to their life end
Firin', firin' (Ahh)
reloadin', reloadin' (Oh)
gun, gun, gun, gun
Lookin' forward to their end
1:45, we're drivin' on the highway
Cruisin' so fast, some pirates gonna die
gun, gun, think about guns
You know what it is
I got this shotgun, you got this bullet
My rifle is by my right, ay
I got this (boom!), you got this (ahh!)
Now you know it bitch.
Kickin ass in the front seat
Sittin them down in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which life can I take?
It's Friday, Friday
Gotta shoot pirates on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to their life end, life end
Friday, Friday
Gettin' shootin pirates on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to their life end
Firin', firin' (Ahh)
reloadin', reloadin' (Oh)
gun, gun, gun, gun
Lookin' forward to their end
-Lyrics by Ally. (sung to the tune of Friday.
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Post by Pyro ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ✔ on Nov 24, 2013 3:06:34 GMT -5
It's 8:43am and I'm bored. but actually its PM. So there. At 9pm I'm going to have a shower so this is just something to do until then I guess. I mean I could have a shower now. But I feel like it should be done on the hour. Man its been hot lately. Sucks. Got sun burnt the other day. I like to wear sunglasses. I think I look better with sunglasses because it hides more of my face. But I don't want sunglasses tan lines. That would suck.
So last time I was outside I took them off. It was bright. But I like wearing them because I can then like not have people look me in the eye. I don't like people looking me in the eye. Do you? Its weard. Because if they look me in the eye then it means they are looking at me in the eye. Mmmm.
This laptop is anniying me too. I dunno if its cos its hot but the laptop gets really hot. And the fan is on for ages. I don't know if my parents can hear the fan at night. Like know how everything is louder at night time. I dunno. I don't like moving around a lot in my bed at night incase my parents think Im masturbating lol. I don't think they can even hear the bed creeking. But oh well. I have not had any of those dreams where I'm awake but I' sleep lately. I wonder why I have them. It's probably part of my retardation. I got quite a few retardations. Im scared of phones, going outside, people looking at me, talking to people, people not doing doing that were meant to happen. Mmmm. I dunno.
But I'm really sick of my bedroom. Like this weekend I spend maaaybe a total of 2 hours outside of my bedroom. They were just like 5 min breaks where I get food or potty or something you know. But Im just bored. Not like I have anything else to do. Ok say I leave my room... where can I go? Well lets see. Nothing in the lounge, some couches and a big ass TV and junk but I don't watch TV. Who needs TV when you can watch YT. So ok lets go into the kitchen. Well yeah lots of food. I eat if I'm bored, I knew i should not so sometimes I just have to make myself not eat. Im already fat enough. Dining room, well thats part of the lounge kinda. Parents room? No reason to go in there. Though they do have a big mirror I use something. MY sisters old room has nothing of interest. She took all the good stuff when she left. Ok Hmm bathroom! No nothing fun going on in there unless Im home alone. So thats upstairs of my house. Lets go downstairs. Umm we got a study/office room. Thats there the PC is I used to use and my parents still use. Its about 10 years old. Had it since I was in high school. Damn. So old. I used to stay down there until like 3am and it would be freezing but I was on MSN talking to my internet boyfriend, he had a 2 hour time zone difference, but I had like no job, so it was ok. But that was like 5 years ago. Umm we got a laundry room, thats got like clothes and junk and washing machine and dryer. Yeah. Another bathroom. It's more of a secondary bathroom that is not used as much. Then there is another room thats like a 2nd lounge, that was my main room because I had my TV and xbox and junk in there. But now I've got that in my bedroom. See no need to leave my room at all! So I never go in there anything.
And finally there is the garage which has my dads car and some other junk in it and stuff. Oh and this one other room thats not really a room but its like under the stairs. No basement for me. Basemest are such an american thing. Like I've never met anyone who actually has a basement. It's just not how houese are built in NZ. Besides why do you have a basement. I mean if you're gonna build a house you gotta dig out a massive hole. Sounds like a lot of extra expense for nothing.
I guess if you live in like a place with tornados then its a good idea. But yeah. So thats my house. You can come and vist me if you want. I do have a dog though. He will bark at you, and probably jump on you. If you're not white he'd probably try bite you. Thats the fault of the indians who live next door to me. The would through stuff at him like rocks and stuff and like stab him with things through the fence. So he hates indians and stuff.
But yeah you can come over and see my fussy squishies, shes soooooooo cute. I should totes take some pics of her!
Woop I got distracted by a YT vid, shower time
Laters G
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Post by Pyro ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ✔ on Jul 25, 2014 5:16:51 GMT -5
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Post by Allaprima ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ✔ on Jul 25, 2014 17:40:28 GMT -5
But Guile's theme doesn't even go with Guile.
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Post by Mastery on Jul 25, 2014 18:38:28 GMT -5
The version commonly used doesn't really, most other ones are more fitting for him though
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Post by Pyro ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ✔ on Aug 2, 2014 17:50:59 GMT -5
Oh hello. What are you up to? Me? Not much ay I need someone to write down all my thoughts so I guess this is the place to do it. Yup. Sorry for the long post but I had to say stuff. I've been really stressed and freaking out a lot lately. I feel like its been one big freak out since my driving test. Last month I did my final driving test and then I'd be fully licensed. I did my other test 5 years ago, and it was going to expire so it was either renew it or spend a little bit more and take the test. And since I finally had my own car screw it Ill take the test. I should have been easy. Im a good driver. I know people like to think they are but its not me saying it, my co-workers say im the best driver in the team and my dad really likes it when i drive him around. So the test should be easy. However I failed. Not because I was crappy at driving well. But because of a stupid speaking exercise. In NZ we have 3 tests. A theory test where you are tested on the road code. Pass that and you can legally learn to drive on the road. Next is a practical test where you are tested on everything from parking and 3 point turns, to how well you break and corner. I passed that test easy as. The final test you just drive around the place do a few things but also the test guy will ask you to point out the hazards and what you're doing about them. So like if Im coming up to a stop sign I have to say there is a car coming from my left and I'm stopped until it has passed and safe or something. Easy too right? However I'm not so good at talking. I can see all the hazards and im automatically doing things but I can't put it into words what im seeing and doing especially when im under pressure. So I failed. I only had a week until my license expries after that and luckly I had a testing spot had opened up so I took time off work. I was already nervous because I didnt want to fail again. When I got home to pick up my car my dog escaped. My mum chased after him and there was a guy walking his dog. My dog went up to his dog to say hello. So the owner started kicking him in the ribs. My mum got him back home. I so I got more stressed out about that. My mum said he was a maori with bull shit tattoos all over his face. I jumped in my car and on the way to the testing place i looked for the dude but could not find him. Then I got to the testing place. There was a sign saying driving tests so i went into that room. I was about 20 mins early. There was one other person there. Then more people came in. It was just an empty room with no person at the desk. Peopel came in with paper work and stuff, there was another office next door. I had already done my eye test and photo and paper work last time so thought i didnt. But then I wondered if i had to fill out more stuff for a resit. I had booked and paid online. It was about 10 mins to go. So i went next door. There was a big ass line. A guy went along the line asking what we needed I said Im resitting do i need more paper work hes like fill out a form! Im like omg i gotta hurry up. So I went to fill out the form. But my pen didnt work. Its those little things that all add up. Then I got another pen went back to the line which was even bigger. 5 mins to go. Finally I was at the front of the line. it was my turn to talk to the front desk! Then their manager called them over to talk in the back. Oh FFS. Another person at the desk called me over. 2 mins. I explained what I was doing and they said I didnt need to fill out a form and wait next door in the place I was already. I rush back to the other place in time for my test. Already stressing out like a mofo. Then We get to my car and start the test. It's going fine at first until he starts asking me hazards then i start freaking out. Almost went the wrong way. I was getting more and more flustered. I felt terrible. The test went on and it got worse. Then hes like turn right and id keep questioning "this one?" and i could feel he was getting annoyed but i didnt wanna go the wrong way. finally the test finished, and i was felt like i was gonna throw up. I felt so ill. Then he said I PASSED. And then asked why i kept asking him and stuff and i said because i didnt want to go the wrong way and i was nervous and something else and he was asked me something about my freaking out and i said im not very good and speaking my thoughts and he said im a good driver and i passed. I drove home and was so wound up. I was not happy i passed. didnt feel relief. I just felt terrible. I didnt sleep. Next morning i had to go to work. I didnt feel any better. I felt scared and pissed off. For the next two days. Then i had a work dinner I felt so sick i almost didnt go. But thought i could relax. I got pretty drunk then. I felt ok. The next saturday I was really tired from getting home late. A little hungover but mostly just tired and wanted to sleep. Then my dad EXPLODES the door. He was talking about something he had priced for me and he was rambling on about tax and discounts and i just wanted to sleep. I was slightly annoyed. I asked him how much it was and he raged at me. "IM SICK OF YOUR ATTITUDE" and some rant and he pulled the blankets off my bed and is yelling at me to get up and was like "WHATS YOUR PROBLEM WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!! YOU BETTER START CHANGING YOUR ATTITUDE!" and I just sat on my bed saying nothing i was almost about to have a breakdown but i held it back waiting for him to leave. Then I put my bed back together and didnt leave it or get food until the monday. I still felt terrible for the rest of the week. I was really depressed and stressed out thinking about my life. I get sad about a lot of things in my life. Mostly because I'm lonely. But at least I had a job. Then a couple weekends later I was talking to my friend on the internet. He was sending snapchats. He does it a lot during the day of places hes been and of his kitty and stuff. He asked me for some. I send him stuff sometimes too but he wanted my face lol. Then I started to freak out again and getting sad and thinking about myself. Cos I honestly hate the way I look lol. Im ugly and a retard. But because I freaked out he thought he'd done something wrong so felt bad. We didnt talk at all the day after. But then that night I sent him a big message apologising saying its not his fault. The day after that we talked for pretty much 8 hours straight. I told him everything. EVERYTHING. and he did the same. He's had a lot of experience with mental problems and pills and mind doctors. Him and his girlfriend. He said it sounded like I had depression but also really bad anxiety from PTSD and I'd been having anxiety attacks. Not to amature self diagnose or anything but reading about it things made sense for me and were how i felt. I'd never really thought about anxiety. Because I always thought it was just another word for nervous where you feel butterflies before doing something big and scary but its not. And it can be a serious thing. And it makes a lot of sense for me because there are a lot of things I want to do or need to do but I can't. This picture sums it up pretty well I guess. And most people like my dad or whoever often get pissed off at me when they tell me to do something that seems to easy to them but I can't are that brown animal thing  Thinking back to a lot of the posts Ive made about freaking out I guess I was having anxiety attacks. And then because I can't do something it makes me sad. Like Im sad and really lonely I dont have a boyfriend. Well why not try internet dating? Ok. So I did. But I didnt put a picture because I hate how I look, and people get pissed off at me for not doing it. Someone messaged me anyway just based on something Id said in my profile. We started talking and then he offers to meet up for coffee. Then I FREAKOUT and stop messaging him shortly after and people get pissed off at me when i tell them that. But I just cant do it. No matter how much I want to. So anyway I have a job. I guess thinking back thats why it took me so long to get a job. I was so scared. And only got into it when I was forced to because I moved out of home. and I only moved out of home because i moved in with my friend and he was there to support me. I can't just move out with randoms. Its too much for me and is why I'm still with my parents, maybe forever. The last two weeks at work I've been very stressed out. The client wants the SCIENCE done everyday and reported the same day now instead of twice a week. Things were getting intense, especially the last few days. It was end of the month and everything needed to get done. Its been those days where everything that can go wrong does. On top of that we have the useless guy in my team. He doee about 25% work 75% nothing. Friday he caused me extreme stress. We had to get so much work done by the end of the day. I had worked late the day before. But it was also the last week of the month where work has free food and drinks. The last time he made an excuse to urgenty go back to the office dumbing the work on the rest of my team. but he just wanted to go to the drinks thing. I said to my co-worker in the morning i bet hes got some BS excuse to go back to the office and dump the work on us. Yup he did. He had not submitted some thing due that day and he really needed to go back to the office. He of course waited until not to do it instead of the day before when he was doing nothing all day. I told him we really needed his help and if he went back to the office (to do 5 mins work then sit around for 2 hours until free food) we would be working untill night time and then the asshole says "oh by night time do you mean 4pm" I almost lost it. But I told him. You are staying here call the office and do it over the phone, which he did and took 5 mins. Then we finished at 5:30 and the sun was just going down. Had the retard gone back it would have been more like 6:30-7pm. I went home feeling so stressed out. Then yesterday morning I wake up first thing i start thnking of is work and that dick. Then I get up and help my dad with some yard work but my way is better but he is yelling at me to do it his way and Im starting to freak out more and I almost have mental break down. I've been stressed out all weekend and Im still stressed. I think I'll have another talk with my boss on monday about the useless guy. Im sick of his crap. Everytime I work with him I need to retrain him on how to use stuff as if he's a new guy, been working here almost 2 years now. So in conclusion my mind is broken. Oh well.got a family thing tonight hopfully I can relax.  |
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Post by Chromeo on Aug 2, 2014 19:07:20 GMT -5
I've been telling you to go see a doctor for years, now will you finally do it? >_>;
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Post by Pyro ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ✔ on Aug 2, 2014 20:16:41 GMT -5
I dont think you read what I said.
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Tails82
Lord of Terror++
Loyal Vassal
still...sipping?
Posts: 34,369
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Post by Tails82 on Aug 2, 2014 20:24:08 GMT -5
Things can suck sometimes, they'll be overcome soon enough though.
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Post by little j ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ✔ on Aug 2, 2014 21:37:47 GMT -5
"Tough it out," can be some of the most useless advice sometimes.
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Post by Jordan Ω on Aug 3, 2014 0:19:41 GMT -5
Good luck with everything, bro.
It seems that weed would help with most of your problems.
Reeeeeeeeeeeeeefer
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Post by Pyro ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ✔ on Aug 3, 2014 3:54:03 GMT -5
I want to but cant because we sometimes have drug tests at work and also my friend who knows a lot of stuff also knows about weed. He said because of my hallucinations (see dream topic) its not a good idea to do it
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Post by Chromeo on Aug 3, 2014 6:41:21 GMT -5
I dont think you read what I said. Yes I did. Trying to get through this on your own isn't going to work. Do you really think smoking weed is a better option than seeing a professional? I mean Jesus. Nothing helped me until I went to the doctor and got help, I'm trying to tell you because it works. |
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Post by Pyro ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ✔ on Aug 4, 2014 0:49:53 GMT -5
Im not going to smoke weed. And im not stupid of course going to see a doctor will help. But you just dont understand. Im not the same as you.
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Spinning round and round like the deadly hands of a radium clock. 