Cool Story Time.
Jul 22, 2011 17:52:26 GMT -5
Post by Mastery on Jul 22, 2011 17:52:26 GMT -5
Hey Tails I pulled an ENTIRE STORY out of my butt in only a few hours. If I can do this you can pull a chapter out of your butt.
________________________________
The two men waited on the building top. One wearing a sombrero. Cigarrette smoke filled the air.
"I really wish you'd stop doing that."
"Hey, you told me to get rid of them so I burned 'em."
"I wanted you to get rid of 'em in a way that didn't involve second hand smoke."
They sat down.
"Hey. What are we waiting for?"
"For sundown."
"Why?"
"I thought you said you'd figure it out on as we went along... well we don't want to be seen."
"Yeah, nobody's gonna notice a sombrero on a roof top for most of the day."
"Hey. We're on a church. Nobody goes to church ever since that bestial bastard, "prime minister" Rome, came to power and said 'I'm fine with you guys going to church it'd just be really great if you didn't though'"
"Yeah. But at least it gives us a hiding spot."
"We wouldn't need a hiding spot if he realized he's not as fit to run a government as he thinks."
The two men were mercenaries, or so they thought. But there's no certificate to becoming a mercenary. They'd be working for money but they were poor slum dwellers just like the man who hired them. A depressed man with questionable tastes and felt the need to complain about things that clearly worked. He managed to convince them with what would be a rant about how the current state of affairs favored the high and rich and left the lower class poor people in the dust, if he didn't stop after the first few words and sigh. It was enough, as the man with the sombrero knew him well enough to know what he was trying to say. This understanding man was Gustaff Montag, a down on his luck jack of all trades immigrant from the crap sack world to the far west. His companion was only known by his cheesy code name he made up for himself: tailspin. He too was an immigrant, but he was illegal and lord knows how he got past the borders.
Sundown was coming. Gustaff tipped his sombrero downwards. It was a special sombrero, one he only wore around tailspin. Under the brim was the word "Irnoy" in big bold letters to remind him it should be tailspin that wears the sombrero.
"Well, it's time." Gustaff got up.
They walked over to a wire hanging down from the church, presumably from the time they used fossil fuels for electricity. They took out their firearms (a recently developed weapon consisting of metal plates covering the forearm that can be set on fire and throw fireballs and it was awesome) and used it to zipline downwards. Even though the country had tough security, nobody ever tried anything and since the police force that actually made up a majority of the population are human, they relaxed their hold on the place and as such wouldn't notice two men in what can only be described as "mercenary chic" and wearing firearms ziplining to the most important building in district East 621 at night. They fell through an open window that led to an empty office with everything still running. People that had jobs seldom worked, as to them, nothing needed to be done and they still got payed.
Gustaff sat down on the spinning chair in the center of the room and moved closer to the computer on the desk. Using a copy of Opera Portable on his minidatasphere (a recent type of storage technology in the form of a marble that's rolled into a hole in the computer. It was advertised as being able to store more data than ever as it did it in 3-dimensions but the truth was much more complicated), he opened up the internet.
"Son of a goddamn... they still have no internet restrictions here. And their version of google isn't censored..."
"Did someone say uncensored?" Tailspin made his move to commandeer the computer, but was quickly stopped by Mr. Montag.
"We're not here to watch porn, bro."
"Aww."
After a quick google search they found out exactly where they needed to go. The ruler of the nation was never actually in the capital building... and lived in a coastal port town, which probably explains why he doesn't have an accent.
"Well Tailspin, looks like we have a date.... with DESTINY!"
"Is she hot?"
"I wouldn't know."
_________________________________________
Gustaff Montag and Tailspin got out of the electric bus that replaced any form of individual transport besides walking and biking. Rome seemed to think that it'd be better if people either walked or use public transport everywhere, unfortunately traffic jams still do exist due to the sheer number of bus lines that run. He never noticed due to the fact that he reportedly biked everywhere.
The duo walked up to the house, which looked exactly the same as every other and was bunched up with them really close, and looked into the window. They looked inside and found no one, and so Tailspin used his doorbusting skills to take the entrance down quietly. After a few minutes of sneaking around inside the house, they heard a voice.
"Ah, so the assassins draw near."
"Woah, this guy's good." Tailspin complimented as he turned around.
"No he's not, we're mercenaries sent on an assassination mission." Gustaff adjusted his sombrero to get a better look. "And we're here to assassinate you."
"I was wondering, did we both have to come because we both have asses and assassinating presumably involves two as-"
"Shut up, Spin."
Gustaff rushed forward and pinned the man against the wall with his hand over the man's mouth. "are you ready for your final journey? Oh wait. YOU'RE AETHEIST. HAW HAW HAW"
"Uh bro"
"Shut up Spin"
"Bro I don't think this is him. Look at his tag."
Gustaff reluctantly peered downwards to find that it said: "Ferret, Head of Military". He pushed the man harder against the wall in false rage and lowered his hand. "WHERE IS HE!? WHERE'S ROME GODDAMMIT WHERE'S ROME!"
"I think you'll find out soon enough." Ferret grinned. Gustaff looked downwards to see Ferret's underhanded syringe stuck into his stomach. He looked back up at his face, smirked then fell down.
"Drugs? AWESOME. NOW DO IT TO ME." Tailspin said. Ferret obliged.
_________________________________________
"Oh god where the hell am I" Mr. Montag said.
"A magical place." Tailspin stated.
"Oh god did someone give you drugs."
"Sir, I cannot tell a lie. Yes. And you too."
"Well will you agree to anything I say?"
"I just might."
"Your name's Spin now, not Tailspin. That's more confusing than a scrambled sunny side up softboiled egg in a mozzarella burrito filled with parmejan cheese."
"Wait, what?"
The now sober gentlemen got up to find that they were in an alleyway. Gustaff felt relieved that his Sombrero was still intact. They stepped out of the shade into the broad daylight. They were in an unfamiliar city, and Mr. Montag felt disgusted to even think of it as an urban area.
"Hey Beaners! This' for stealin' our jobs!" An ugly whit guy on the sidwalk threw a rock at them and missed by a mile.
"How am I a beaner?" Montag asked. Then he realized the sombrero. He quickly put it on Spin's head. He was a beaner.
"Hey bubs. Think yer tough? Think yer mercs?" The voice came from a bald man with a leather jacket leading a whole buncha' men with leather jacket.
"We don't know anything about toughness. Now if you can tell us where we are we'll be kindly in our way."
The man took one look at them and laughed. He grabbed them by the collars. "Ha ha ha ha! Yer in G Fax now. our turf. We get to take anything we want and you can't do anything about it." The great baldy gestured to one of his own forcibly taking an old lady's purse, and the old lady excepting it. They looked back to notice baldy locks wearing the sombrero.
"If you know what's good for ya..." the man sniffed. He must have thought it was intimidating. "You'll stay out of our way." He and his crew walked off.
"Well at least you don't have that obnoxious sombrero anymore. Let's just ignore them, what say yo-" Spin saw the dollar signs in Gustaff's eyes. "Come on bro, who's gonna pay us?"
"This town's run by corrupt citizens, not corrupt officials. We're probably gonna get a reward SOMEwhere."
Gustaff and Spin ran back to the alley and did their trademark wallscaling trick which was actually completely ripped off from Emporor's new groove (see if you can guess what it is.) When they finally reached a rooftop they found some random guy sitting around. "So. Going after that no name gang that thinks they can take GFax?"
"Yo. Think you can help us out?" Gustaff could be real smooth if he wanted to.
"Sure thing."
"Could you tell us where we are?"
"Only the best country in the world."
It figures they'd run into more nationalists. Gustaff decided to drop the subject.
"Ya know where they're headed?"
"I can take you if you want." And so it was settled. Spin jumped off the roof and landed in a dumpster.
"You suck." Gustaff said, right before faceplanting on the concrete below. "That makes two of us." Spin jumped out and they headed to the car waiting outside. The other guy got down pretty fast.
"I take shotgun!" Spin shouted and quickly got in the driver seat. "Oh wait, we're not in that anus of a country anymore." he said after he noticed he was sitting on the other guy's lap. He quickly moved to the passenger seat. Gustaff, disappointed sat in the back. He was too cool to wear a seatbelt, and the trio drove off.
"If you can take 'em down... well I don't have any money to spare, but I can give you some information."
"We'll see if it's worth it."
"That gang... well it's just proof that humans are evil at heart. Give them a little power of any kind and they'll abuse it to hell and back."
"I'm getting the strange sense of Irnoy for some reason" Mr. Montag said under his breath.
"People are given too much freedom these days. Give them an inch, they'll take a mile..."
Gustaff fell asleep. He wasn't going to listen to some guy's strange political opinions.
_____________________________
"It seems everybody wants to share their opinion on how the world's gonna run these days huh."
Gustaff awoke to Spin's insight. "Yeah I know."
"You gota a battle plan, guy?"
"I wish my name was Guy. Yeah, we're just gonna storm on in and force our way to the top. I liked that sombrero. Hey dude, I didn't catch your name"
Mr. Driverman looked back. "You're Gustaff Montag and Sir Tailspin right?"
"Yeah."
"You'll find out soon enough."
They got out of the car and waved good bye to the man in the car as he drove away. They busted down the door to the abandoned building the gang called home and locked their Firearms in place.
"Hey maaaaaan I'm trippin' out, it's like some guy actually had the ballllllllls to breaaaaak in broooooo"
"HOLY SHIT DRUGS I WANT SOME"
"NO SPIN WE NO DO DRUGGIES"
"No homo"
"We're not doing drugs either."
"Goddammit."
The quietly snuck their way to the elevator and took it to the top of the building. Sure enough, Baldo was hanging there, drunk and high as an alcoholic pilot.
"Well that was a freebie." Gustaff pushed his fist into Baldman.
"You're actually gonna kill him?"
"If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared."
"Where'd you get that one?"
"I think I heard it in my sleep."
They got the hit. It was a success. The gang was no more.
______________________________________________
"So this was part of Ferret's plan?" Gustaff asked.
"Yeah. Ferret was a friend of mine... look, this'll explain everything."
They stopped in a central square with a giant Tv. As it turns out an important speech was to be given. A respectably dressed yet goofy looking man came up to a podium. After clearing his throat and looking up, he opened his mouth a few seconds before actually speaking.
"As you should know, we are all equal. And that means that we must all take a stand. We are trying hard to fix everything, but we need help. We are all one people, and we all have freedom. But we must use this freedom. We must take a stand for what we believe in, but if that is not possible, we must take a stand for what we have. This is a land of oppurtunity, and too many people aren't taking any oppurtunities. But we can. There may be a lot of problems within this country, but there are a lot of problems outside as well. And we cannot exist as one country without our neighbors being stable. From this day forward, we are to make the world a better place! We will work hard to make lift other countries to our level, and we shall leave this country, to you the people. Why? Because WE are the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA."
Immediately everyone around the car, and the driver dude himself started shouting. "U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!"
"We're... we're home? HOLY CRAP WE'RE HOME! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!" Gustaff shouted.
"As if it wasn't obvious enough." Spin said.
After everyone stopped cheering, Gustaff had many questions.
"I haven't been here in a while and lord knows you can't get ANY information where we've been... was that the president?"
"Yup. President T. Eightytwo... also coincidentially 82nd president of the United States."
"What did this have to do with Ferret?"
"You mean Ferris? Me, Phil; him and Eightytwo are in this together. We used to be friends with C. H. Rome and made him head of great britain to see if his ideas on how a government should work, would work. It didn't. So we came up with a plan to have Ferris use his military intellect and change his name to Ferret to become a close ally of Rome's so we can influence him fix up the mess that's spilling across Europe. That didn't work either. Instead, we had good ideas collide with bad ideas to create worse ones, and now we're fixing it. That man who ordered the hit on Rome? That was me. I was just acting like what I knew of Rome before he became ruler of Britain. We're not planning on killing him, we're planning on showing him everything that's wrong with his country."
"Ah, so you're a bunch a' sneaky dastards... I like that."
"We have a mission for you. Nobody's seen Rome in a while, though we certainly still hear of him and from him. You're gonna have to confront him... and in order to do that, we're gonna have to find out more about him from some... friends he's made. On the internet."
"Are we getting payed?" Spin butted in."
"Oh yeah, I forgot about money. We're mercenaries dammit."
"Oh don't worry. You'll get all the money you want. Are you up for it."
"DAMN RIGHT I AM!" Gustaff was sold.
"Alrighty then." They shook hands. "We already have one of the 'informants', a secret agent on our side."
"Sweeeet."
"She's right here even. Meet Agent Jen."
"Holy crap you're hot."
"I thought you were Asexual." Spin said.
"I can't deny true hotness." Gustaff responded quickly.
"Aw come on, not this again. xd" Jen sighed, annoyed.
"Well fellas, hope you enjoy the show." Phil said, turning around to get back in his car and leave.
"Thanks you too" Spin replied.
Everyone stopped and they had a moment of awkward silence as phil and spin stared at each other.
_____________________________
"No you're not going to do barrel rolls this plane and everyone on board (i. e. us) can't handle the G Force"
"Barrel rolls are not what you think they are. A barrel roll is actually flying as if you're inside a giant rolling barrel and are clinging to the sides."
"Just because I let you drive does not mean you can put all of our lives in danger."
"If you're not living life on the edge you're taking up too much space." Spin butted in to the conversation.
"Alright fine I'll fly normally. I was just kidding." Gustaff decided not to take it too far with Jen. "So where're we headed?"
"Dutchland."
"You mean Deutschland?"
"No, what used to be the Netherlands 'til they realized that means the Underworld"
"Ah, ok." He set a course to the Netherlands. "I should really stop living under a rock"
"What?"
"I said what do you know about Rome?"
"Oh, I only really know about his friends and that he hit on me on more than one occasion xd"
"Really? Is his self esteem that high?"
"No, he was forced to do it by this promiscious girl pyro"
"I see."
"Oh, and he went by the name Jake"
"Hmm."
The rest of the plane ride was rather uneventful.
________________________________________
They landed in the middle of Dutchland, an open field.
"How'd you know where we were supposed to land?"
"I didn't."
Gustaff was tired from an extremely long plane ride and dozed off.
"So where we headed sis?" Spin inquired of Jen.
"Wave should be headed right here. I think he comes here with his cat, who supposedly senses his feelings."
"What if he sees the gigantic plane?"
"It's invisible."
"How come I can see it."
"Because you're invisible too?"
"Makes sense."
They waited around a while and sure enough and extremely manly buff dude wearing glasses and carrying a strange looking purplish cat came.
"Hey Wave! xd"
"Who's that!?"
"It's me, Zetta!"
"I think you start getting creepy when you came all the way here just to talk to me."
Gustaff twitched.
"Yeah, well it's about Nitro. I was thinking about all of us meeting up. What do you say?"
Spin took that as a cue to sneak up next to Wave and whisper "do it do it do it"
"I don't know if I have the change"
Gustaff rolled over in his sleep.
"But I didn't thought anyone would care about me enough to do this. Ok!"
Gustaff was tossing and turning by this point.
Spin's subliminal messaging had worked.
They all entered the Plane.
____________________________________
"So. Where to next commander Jen?"
"We're going to the true Netherland. New Zealand, on the bottom of the earth."
"Oh man I'm gonna have to fly upside down now?"
So he did the most dangerous thing in his life. He tipped his plane downwards until it flipped upside down completely and he was on the underside of the Earth.
"AWESOME"
They landed in New Zealand uneventfully yet again. Why wasn't Spin doing any shenanigans? Whatever.
While Wave waited inside with his strange kitty, the mercs and the other girl made their way throughout a small town.
"I think she lives right here"
"How do you know?" Gustaff wanted to know.
"She wanted to do some girl on girl action."
"I'm not touching that one."
Gustaff and Spin waited outside while Jen knocked the door. The door was opened, words were exchanged and she went inside. At least it seemed like they both waited. Spin was missing.
"Spin where are you oh jesus christ"
He went around the house to a side window to see Spin peering in.
"Stop that you gigantic pervert"
"NO! IT CAN'T BE!"
"Oh fine let me see"
"I thought you were asexual"
"Shut up- wait there's nobody there"
"Uh guys, she kinda didn't want to do it. Where are you guys?" Jen's voice could be heard.
Embarrased, they slowly walked out into view.
"We were totally just watching to make sure everything was going fine"
"I thought you were Asexual"
"No I'm the beaner he's the Asexual one"
"SHUT UP ABOUT MY SEXUALITY GODDAMN"
"Well you better shut up about it first. I'm kinda gonna need your help to get some information outta this one."
"Can I be invisible again?" Spin pleaded.
"Sure fine go ahead" Zet-I mean Jen I'mrunningoutofsynonymsforsaid
They entered the house, and Spin was invisible.
Gustaff sat down to talk to the girl known as Pyro.
"I know I've been acting skanky but I'm not actually like that. I... I tease guys on the internet but I can't do that in real life. I don't even like to say the word... you know the s word. That rhymes with Mex."
"DID SOMEONE SAY MEX I'M A MEX" Spin shouted before covering his mouth. Luckily Zetta was smart enough to make him inaudible as well.
"Well I didn't ask anything about you being licentious on the internet, I was just going to ask about Ro- I mean Jake."
"Oh yeah he's probably the guy I tease the most."
"Think he'd be cool with meeting you?"
It was at this point that Spin realized he can't be heard. Come on he's not that dumb. Anyway he still managed to give her the subliminal message "do it" somehow. Or maybe it was all on her own choice because she just said "Ok" without much thought. Probably because she doesn't have the job at the current time.
__________________________________
The airplane landed back in Corrupt Britain in a private Airport only used for military personnel. And that's why they were able to do it without any problems. Ferris was there.
"So I see everything's been going as planned." Ferret, Head of Military walked towards the plane as Gustaff got off.
"I don't really know the whole plan. Also please don't give Spin drugs ever again."
Gustaff quickly made his exit. He had to get something.
"Where's he going?" Ferret asked Jen.
"Beats me."
"Well I need you to tell him when he gets back that C. H. Rome is already on a plane headed towards New York to meet his, uh, friends. You gotta fly back there."
"Ehh, sure thing."
___________________________________
GM came sometime later with a big box he loaded onto the plane.
"Well, where do we go from here."
"We're going to New York. We're also gonna interrogate Wave and Pyro on the way there."
"Oh god more flying guh"
Jen didn't want to let him know she also knew how to fly, because she was afraid she'd do barrel rolls and all sorts of crazy stuff that would endanger the passengers.
And so they flew back to Gustaff's hometowncity, as Zetta (and Spin who everyone seems to have forgotten about since he lost his visibility and audibility but he still managed to get back on board the plane) interrogated the guests for more information that they'd somehow use against C. H. Rome.
___________________________________
"Jake!" Pyro said, with audible hearts. She ran towards Jake and hugged him. "Hi Jake." Said Jen and Wave, almost in unison. "Uh, hi guys." Was his awkward reply. Our two mercs watched from afar and looked over "Jake." If this was indeed Rome, then he looked much better than he said he looked, at least according to the. Goddamn it was like his self esteem was so low all he could do was insult himself.
After the hug, the internet buds just stood around awkwardly for about 5 minutes. Then, someone made their move. A man climbed out of a box nearby. "Sorry I gotta interrupt such a, er, heartwarming... union? You guys never met before right?"
"You!" "Jake" said. "I-I mean, who are you and what do you want?"
"Why I want to join in on the fun!" As he stepped clearer into view it was clear that this was President T. Eightytwo deciding he had to take care of business. How lucky that they decided to not meet up in Manhattan, otherwise there would actually be people around to watch. "But I guess that means I'm also gonna ruin it. You think so, don't you, Jake? Or should I say... Calvin Hobbes Rome!"
"Aw come on I thought at least country leaders wouldn't have tabs kept on him"
"We only started doing that recently."
"Ok... I know what you want. You want to rub it in my face that my government fails. That I'm a terrible leader and I'm not good at anything"
"No I wasn't going to do that 'til you asked for help. The real reason I'm here is to finish things before they start. Brandon!" And an odd looking black dog rushed to his side and started growling. "Those were your ships that attacked New York! They were British ships sent by your liberal orders! Well I'm sorry to have used your internet buddies but I'm gonna kill you in front of them if it means stopping another war."
It was at this moment that Gustaff's own dog, same species as the president's pet, except with a shiny coat rushed outwards.
"No Seigfrie- ah whatever he probably needs the help I bet Rome knows a lot about animals"
"In bed" Spin said before forgetting nobody can hear him.
"What? I was used!" Wave shouted. Gustaff rushed out to grab him and make sure he doesn't make a move. Spin did the same to Pyro but it looked more like she was pretending to be in an invisible headlock.
Rome seemed to give in to fate and hung his head low when the attack dogs started inching closer. Suddenly, Wave's cat came to help, as Wave probably didn't want to see him die. She stood in front of them but all this managed to do was cause Brandon and Seigfried fight each other for her love. Good enough.
"I was kind of hoping for irony in letting animals kill you but I see that's not gonna work. But before I do things myself, you must tell me what you were hoping to accomplish by attacking New York?" President Eightytwo pressed.
"If british ships attacked New York how come I never heard about it?" Gustaff questioned.
"They attacked New York State."
"Ah."
"I didn't send any british ships to attack the U.S." C. H. Rome finally spoke.
"Oh really? Than how come you don't sound like you don't know what I'm talking about."
"I didn't send the ships. I wasn't truly in charge of Great Britain." Rome finally confessed. "Someone else has power over me. The country was already going down hill but someone offered to help, and I gave in because of certain charms he has."
"You expect me to believe that? Silly Rome."
Suddenly a familiar voice crackled on Eightytwo's radio. "President Eightytwo! Great Britain is being taken over by people who seemed to be secretly in charge the whole time! I can't fight back, they have superior technology and numbers- and I don't know where they're coming from!"
It was Ferris!
"That's them." Rome stated.
"You know if you at least tried to get help with this earlier I probably wouldn't have tried to kill you right now." Mr. President pressed a button on his belt, and almost immediately a private jet started hovering nearby. "I don't have time for anything. EVERYONE GET ON!" And that they did. Pyro and Wave were still wondering what exactly was going on.
"I swear to god if I have to drive-" Gustaff was reluctant to get on board. "Don't worry I got that covered." Phil was piloting the jet. The President yelled into the radio. "EVERYONE! SEND AID TO BRITAIN. STANDBY THE DEFENSES. READY THE SECRET LASER CANNONS DEPLOYED ACROSS THE COUNTRY." He didn't feel the need to repeat any of that.
_______________________________
They made it to London in record time. The enemy foot soldiers, covered completely in some sort of Space Marine armor but with what looks to be fox ears sticking out of the helmet and an unseen face. The city was one step short of burning buildings.
Rome called in Ferret. "Ferret! Where are they based?"
"All the commands are being given from the Big Ben! That's where there leader is!"
Rome looked to everyone else. "That's probably where Fox is." He had already given his account of the situation in greater detail to them, though he didn't reveal Fox' true nature to them.
"Phil! FLY INTO THE BIG BEN!"
"What!?" Pyro shouted.
"I didn't deserve to live anyway." Wave sighed.
"Oh god the Irnoy" Gustaff had his head in his hands.
The Jet sped up and boosted it's way to the Big ben. And then into it. And then out the other side.
"A Jet from today is much more durable than a clock tower from the 1850s." Phil said.
"There's still Irnoy here."
The clock tower tilted a bit then it started falling over. Then exploding due to bombs the enemy had placed all over it in case someone tried to infiltrate it.
"Nobody was inside the tower!" Ferret shouted. "But they seem to have stopped receiving orders."
"How do you know?" Gustaff shouted.
"I'd rather not say."
"They were probably being given orders THROUGH the clock tower" Jen shared her insight.
"I think I know where they're coming from. We can use the NASA base you pressured me into letting you build a while ago." Rome said to T. Eightytwo.
"Phil! To Manchester!"
The course was set. They jetted across the once United Kingdom. Mr. President opened his radio again. "NASA! OPEN LOUSY BRIT SPACE BASE!"
And at that moment Manchester was raised above the ground with a giant hole opened in the middle to reveal the piece of U.S. property underneath. The Jet landed right outside. Mr. President, Phil, Spin, Rome, Jen and Gustaff all got out as the base showed clear signs of having been somehow taken over. They got their weapons at the ready and rushed in to storm Lousy Brit Space Base. Wave and Pyro followed them because why the hell not.
They had the element of surprise on their side as Mr. President went in guns ablazing and throwing grenades all over the place while Phil made sure he got a good shot before he pulled his triggers. Jen excelled in CQC and so went closer before pulling off her aweome female fighting powers. Rome was using his decidedly useless FPS skills. Gustaff used his Firearm and jet kick legs to take the fight to the enemy from both near and far while Pyro used her secret New Zealand Fu style martial arts and Wave was using his manliness to take down the mysterious enemy.
Rome knew what they were to do. "Guys! Make a break for experimental hangar 5! What we need is there!" Spin decided to make himself useful and hit the "door open" button. They all rushed inside. To find Space Fighters, the first Space combat ships to be developed by human kind. But standing in front of the massive ships was a disturbing fellow. He was what seemed to be an ugly mix of human and Fox. The Anthropomorphic fellow spoke up. "Going somewhere?"
"You promised to help me, fox! The country didn't improve and now you decide to take over!" Rome shouted.
"Why would I help you? We needed to weaken your government, see? We needed to deliver a few blows from the inside before we decided our full global assault. This Planet will be ours!"
"I figured as much." Rome gunned down Fox anticlimatically. "Who here's a pilot? We need one to man the mother ship and anybody else who's a pilot can take one of the fighters!" Gustaff quickly volunteered to take the mother ship and Mr. President, Rome, Pyro and Wave all got inside. Jen and Phil took two fighters and they took off. The ships flew out into the atmosphere for their final battle. This was a global crisis.
Mr. President delivered what may be his final message. "ATTENTION ALL NATIONS! THIS IS A GLOBAL CRISIS! OUR WORLD IS GOING TO BE TAKEN OVER BY ALIENS RESEMBLING HUMAN/ANIMAL HYBRIDS. THE MILITARY FORCES OF ALL NATIONS WILL UNITE UNDER FERRET, HEAD OF BRITISH MILITARY. DEFEND THE EAR-kkkkshskhk" The transmission stopped once they exited the atmoshpere.
The planet was almost entirely surrounded by the enemy forces. Nonetheless our heroes pushed on dauntlessly to take 'em out. Lasers and missiles were flying left and right. Ships were doing Barrel Rolls, Somersaults and Pilots were certainly using boosts to get through. The enemies focused their attacks on our lone three ships. However, they underestimated the power of the experimental ships. Despite being the first Space Fighters, NASA sure was prepared. Suddenly, the enemy ships all turned invisible.
"Well great." Gustaff said disappointed. "Instead of an epic space battle we're just gonna go down trying to fight things we can't see."
Suddenly another of their Space Fighters flew into view firing shots that clearly hit the invisible ships.
"Who's flying that thing?"
"I think they're invisible!" Jen crackled over the radio. "Whoever it is can see them because when you're invisible you can see invisible things!"
Gustaff quickly hit the "cloak all" button, and his ships too were invisible. And the fight resumed. But the enemy ships were hardly fighting back. They seemed to fire in random places. "They have different cloaking technology! They can't see other invisible things!" Jen Exclaimed.
"Don't they have radar?"
"Guess not."
The size of the enemy army was quickly cutting down in size.
"Mr. President! President! Are you there? Eightytwo!" Their radio spoke again.
"What do you need Ferris?" He'd recognize that voice anywhere.
"The enemy mothership is orbiting the moon right now and they're taking over a lot of our sattelites!"
"TOO THE MOON!" And the 4 ships weaved through the spectacular show of laser showers in space. Once the ship was in view they charged their cannons and readied their missiles. If there was sound in space, the result might have been PSHBSHJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. The explosion was massive and threw every ship for a short loop. And yet the target was still their.
"They have a forcefield!" Ferret updated. "Only extremely concentrated laser fire can take it down! CHARGE YOUR LASER CANNONS!"
"But we just did that" Gustaff protested.
"JUST DO IT. FIRE WHEN I TELL YOU!"
And so they charged, waiting for his word.
"FIIIIIIIRE!"
The fired, but massive beams of energy from elsewhere also fire upon the ship, taking down the forcefield once and for all.
"NOW! UNLOAD ALL YOUR MISSILES!"
"What about all the other enemy ships?"
"JUST DO IT!"
And they fired all their missiles at the enemy ships. At the same time, the earth itself was raining missiles and lasers down on all the enemy forces. What ensued was a series of explosions that probably shifted the Earth's, the moon's and maybe some other planet's orbits. Space itself lit up and all you could see was the destruction of the alien ships everywhere, Debris flying through space, and all were no more.
"Mr. President. Every single alien, down here on earth as well as in space have been wiped out. Return to Earth sir. Return to America."
"Stopped a war with a single battle." And so the ships all returned to earth.
_______________________________
Some time has passed. C. H. Rome was given another chance at running England's government. Ferris was the greatest Warlord in history. President Eightytwo was sure to be elected again. Phil helped C. H. Rome in the job of running a country. Pyro got a job. Wave was even manlier than before. Spin was no longer invisible, and he and Gustaff were ironically not getting any job offers as all of the Earth's nations united against a common enemy and had worked out their problems with each other and worked under Ferret's command as one Earth. Ferret had recovered pieces of the alien technology for scientific research as he used a fursuit to pretend to be one of them before annihlating them. And every singly one of our heroes was hailed by all nations as the saviors of Earth: The Space Furry Destroyers.
And Gustaff got a new sombrero.
________________________________
The two men waited on the building top. One wearing a sombrero. Cigarrette smoke filled the air.
"I really wish you'd stop doing that."
"Hey, you told me to get rid of them so I burned 'em."
"I wanted you to get rid of 'em in a way that didn't involve second hand smoke."
They sat down.
"Hey. What are we waiting for?"
"For sundown."
"Why?"
"I thought you said you'd figure it out on as we went along... well we don't want to be seen."
"Yeah, nobody's gonna notice a sombrero on a roof top for most of the day."
"Hey. We're on a church. Nobody goes to church ever since that bestial bastard, "prime minister" Rome, came to power and said 'I'm fine with you guys going to church it'd just be really great if you didn't though'"
"Yeah. But at least it gives us a hiding spot."
"We wouldn't need a hiding spot if he realized he's not as fit to run a government as he thinks."
The two men were mercenaries, or so they thought. But there's no certificate to becoming a mercenary. They'd be working for money but they were poor slum dwellers just like the man who hired them. A depressed man with questionable tastes and felt the need to complain about things that clearly worked. He managed to convince them with what would be a rant about how the current state of affairs favored the high and rich and left the lower class poor people in the dust, if he didn't stop after the first few words and sigh. It was enough, as the man with the sombrero knew him well enough to know what he was trying to say. This understanding man was Gustaff Montag, a down on his luck jack of all trades immigrant from the crap sack world to the far west. His companion was only known by his cheesy code name he made up for himself: tailspin. He too was an immigrant, but he was illegal and lord knows how he got past the borders.
Sundown was coming. Gustaff tipped his sombrero downwards. It was a special sombrero, one he only wore around tailspin. Under the brim was the word "Irnoy" in big bold letters to remind him it should be tailspin that wears the sombrero.
"Well, it's time." Gustaff got up.
They walked over to a wire hanging down from the church, presumably from the time they used fossil fuels for electricity. They took out their firearms (a recently developed weapon consisting of metal plates covering the forearm that can be set on fire and throw fireballs and it was awesome) and used it to zipline downwards. Even though the country had tough security, nobody ever tried anything and since the police force that actually made up a majority of the population are human, they relaxed their hold on the place and as such wouldn't notice two men in what can only be described as "mercenary chic" and wearing firearms ziplining to the most important building in district East 621 at night. They fell through an open window that led to an empty office with everything still running. People that had jobs seldom worked, as to them, nothing needed to be done and they still got payed.
Gustaff sat down on the spinning chair in the center of the room and moved closer to the computer on the desk. Using a copy of Opera Portable on his minidatasphere (a recent type of storage technology in the form of a marble that's rolled into a hole in the computer. It was advertised as being able to store more data than ever as it did it in 3-dimensions but the truth was much more complicated), he opened up the internet.
"Son of a goddamn... they still have no internet restrictions here. And their version of google isn't censored..."
"Did someone say uncensored?" Tailspin made his move to commandeer the computer, but was quickly stopped by Mr. Montag.
"We're not here to watch porn, bro."
"Aww."
After a quick google search they found out exactly where they needed to go. The ruler of the nation was never actually in the capital building... and lived in a coastal port town, which probably explains why he doesn't have an accent.
"Well Tailspin, looks like we have a date.... with DESTINY!"
"Is she hot?"
"I wouldn't know."
_________________________________________
Gustaff Montag and Tailspin got out of the electric bus that replaced any form of individual transport besides walking and biking. Rome seemed to think that it'd be better if people either walked or use public transport everywhere, unfortunately traffic jams still do exist due to the sheer number of bus lines that run. He never noticed due to the fact that he reportedly biked everywhere.
The duo walked up to the house, which looked exactly the same as every other and was bunched up with them really close, and looked into the window. They looked inside and found no one, and so Tailspin used his doorbusting skills to take the entrance down quietly. After a few minutes of sneaking around inside the house, they heard a voice.
"Ah, so the assassins draw near."
"Woah, this guy's good." Tailspin complimented as he turned around.
"No he's not, we're mercenaries sent on an assassination mission." Gustaff adjusted his sombrero to get a better look. "And we're here to assassinate you."
"I was wondering, did we both have to come because we both have asses and assassinating presumably involves two as-"
"Shut up, Spin."
Gustaff rushed forward and pinned the man against the wall with his hand over the man's mouth. "are you ready for your final journey? Oh wait. YOU'RE AETHEIST. HAW HAW HAW"
"Uh bro"
"Shut up Spin"
"Bro I don't think this is him. Look at his tag."
Gustaff reluctantly peered downwards to find that it said: "Ferret, Head of Military". He pushed the man harder against the wall in false rage and lowered his hand. "WHERE IS HE!? WHERE'S ROME GODDAMMIT WHERE'S ROME!"
"I think you'll find out soon enough." Ferret grinned. Gustaff looked downwards to see Ferret's underhanded syringe stuck into his stomach. He looked back up at his face, smirked then fell down.
"Drugs? AWESOME. NOW DO IT TO ME." Tailspin said. Ferret obliged.
_________________________________________
"Oh god where the hell am I" Mr. Montag said.
"A magical place." Tailspin stated.
"Oh god did someone give you drugs."
"Sir, I cannot tell a lie. Yes. And you too."
"Well will you agree to anything I say?"
"I just might."
"Your name's Spin now, not Tailspin. That's more confusing than a scrambled sunny side up softboiled egg in a mozzarella burrito filled with parmejan cheese."
"Wait, what?"
The now sober gentlemen got up to find that they were in an alleyway. Gustaff felt relieved that his Sombrero was still intact. They stepped out of the shade into the broad daylight. They were in an unfamiliar city, and Mr. Montag felt disgusted to even think of it as an urban area.
"Hey Beaners! This' for stealin' our jobs!" An ugly whit guy on the sidwalk threw a rock at them and missed by a mile.
"How am I a beaner?" Montag asked. Then he realized the sombrero. He quickly put it on Spin's head. He was a beaner.
"Hey bubs. Think yer tough? Think yer mercs?" The voice came from a bald man with a leather jacket leading a whole buncha' men with leather jacket.
"We don't know anything about toughness. Now if you can tell us where we are we'll be kindly in our way."
The man took one look at them and laughed. He grabbed them by the collars. "Ha ha ha ha! Yer in G Fax now. our turf. We get to take anything we want and you can't do anything about it." The great baldy gestured to one of his own forcibly taking an old lady's purse, and the old lady excepting it. They looked back to notice baldy locks wearing the sombrero.
"If you know what's good for ya..." the man sniffed. He must have thought it was intimidating. "You'll stay out of our way." He and his crew walked off.
"Well at least you don't have that obnoxious sombrero anymore. Let's just ignore them, what say yo-" Spin saw the dollar signs in Gustaff's eyes. "Come on bro, who's gonna pay us?"
"This town's run by corrupt citizens, not corrupt officials. We're probably gonna get a reward SOMEwhere."
Gustaff and Spin ran back to the alley and did their trademark wallscaling trick which was actually completely ripped off from Emporor's new groove (see if you can guess what it is.) When they finally reached a rooftop they found some random guy sitting around. "So. Going after that no name gang that thinks they can take GFax?"
"Yo. Think you can help us out?" Gustaff could be real smooth if he wanted to.
"Sure thing."
"Could you tell us where we are?"
"Only the best country in the world."
It figures they'd run into more nationalists. Gustaff decided to drop the subject.
"Ya know where they're headed?"
"I can take you if you want." And so it was settled. Spin jumped off the roof and landed in a dumpster.
"You suck." Gustaff said, right before faceplanting on the concrete below. "That makes two of us." Spin jumped out and they headed to the car waiting outside. The other guy got down pretty fast.
"I take shotgun!" Spin shouted and quickly got in the driver seat. "Oh wait, we're not in that anus of a country anymore." he said after he noticed he was sitting on the other guy's lap. He quickly moved to the passenger seat. Gustaff, disappointed sat in the back. He was too cool to wear a seatbelt, and the trio drove off.
"If you can take 'em down... well I don't have any money to spare, but I can give you some information."
"We'll see if it's worth it."
"That gang... well it's just proof that humans are evil at heart. Give them a little power of any kind and they'll abuse it to hell and back."
"I'm getting the strange sense of Irnoy for some reason" Mr. Montag said under his breath.
"People are given too much freedom these days. Give them an inch, they'll take a mile..."
Gustaff fell asleep. He wasn't going to listen to some guy's strange political opinions.
_____________________________
"It seems everybody wants to share their opinion on how the world's gonna run these days huh."
Gustaff awoke to Spin's insight. "Yeah I know."
"You gota a battle plan, guy?"
"I wish my name was Guy. Yeah, we're just gonna storm on in and force our way to the top. I liked that sombrero. Hey dude, I didn't catch your name"
Mr. Driverman looked back. "You're Gustaff Montag and Sir Tailspin right?"
"Yeah."
"You'll find out soon enough."
They got out of the car and waved good bye to the man in the car as he drove away. They busted down the door to the abandoned building the gang called home and locked their Firearms in place.
"Hey maaaaaan I'm trippin' out, it's like some guy actually had the ballllllllls to breaaaaak in broooooo"
"HOLY SHIT DRUGS I WANT SOME"
"NO SPIN WE NO DO DRUGGIES"
"No homo"
"We're not doing drugs either."
"Goddammit."
The quietly snuck their way to the elevator and took it to the top of the building. Sure enough, Baldo was hanging there, drunk and high as an alcoholic pilot.
"Well that was a freebie." Gustaff pushed his fist into Baldman.
"You're actually gonna kill him?"
"If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared."
"Where'd you get that one?"
"I think I heard it in my sleep."
They got the hit. It was a success. The gang was no more.
______________________________________________
"So this was part of Ferret's plan?" Gustaff asked.
"Yeah. Ferret was a friend of mine... look, this'll explain everything."
They stopped in a central square with a giant Tv. As it turns out an important speech was to be given. A respectably dressed yet goofy looking man came up to a podium. After clearing his throat and looking up, he opened his mouth a few seconds before actually speaking.
"As you should know, we are all equal. And that means that we must all take a stand. We are trying hard to fix everything, but we need help. We are all one people, and we all have freedom. But we must use this freedom. We must take a stand for what we believe in, but if that is not possible, we must take a stand for what we have. This is a land of oppurtunity, and too many people aren't taking any oppurtunities. But we can. There may be a lot of problems within this country, but there are a lot of problems outside as well. And we cannot exist as one country without our neighbors being stable. From this day forward, we are to make the world a better place! We will work hard to make lift other countries to our level, and we shall leave this country, to you the people. Why? Because WE are the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA."
Immediately everyone around the car, and the driver dude himself started shouting. "U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!"
"We're... we're home? HOLY CRAP WE'RE HOME! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!" Gustaff shouted.
"As if it wasn't obvious enough." Spin said.
After everyone stopped cheering, Gustaff had many questions.
"I haven't been here in a while and lord knows you can't get ANY information where we've been... was that the president?"
"Yup. President T. Eightytwo... also coincidentially 82nd president of the United States."
"What did this have to do with Ferret?"
"You mean Ferris? Me, Phil; him and Eightytwo are in this together. We used to be friends with C. H. Rome and made him head of great britain to see if his ideas on how a government should work, would work. It didn't. So we came up with a plan to have Ferris use his military intellect and change his name to Ferret to become a close ally of Rome's so we can influence him fix up the mess that's spilling across Europe. That didn't work either. Instead, we had good ideas collide with bad ideas to create worse ones, and now we're fixing it. That man who ordered the hit on Rome? That was me. I was just acting like what I knew of Rome before he became ruler of Britain. We're not planning on killing him, we're planning on showing him everything that's wrong with his country."
"Ah, so you're a bunch a' sneaky dastards... I like that."
"We have a mission for you. Nobody's seen Rome in a while, though we certainly still hear of him and from him. You're gonna have to confront him... and in order to do that, we're gonna have to find out more about him from some... friends he's made. On the internet."
"Are we getting payed?" Spin butted in."
"Oh yeah, I forgot about money. We're mercenaries dammit."
"Oh don't worry. You'll get all the money you want. Are you up for it."
"DAMN RIGHT I AM!" Gustaff was sold.
"Alrighty then." They shook hands. "We already have one of the 'informants', a secret agent on our side."
"Sweeeet."
"She's right here even. Meet Agent Jen."
"Holy crap you're hot."
"I thought you were Asexual." Spin said.
"I can't deny true hotness." Gustaff responded quickly.
"Aw come on, not this again. xd" Jen sighed, annoyed.
"Well fellas, hope you enjoy the show." Phil said, turning around to get back in his car and leave.
"Thanks you too" Spin replied.
Everyone stopped and they had a moment of awkward silence as phil and spin stared at each other.
_____________________________
"No you're not going to do barrel rolls this plane and everyone on board (i. e. us) can't handle the G Force"
"Barrel rolls are not what you think they are. A barrel roll is actually flying as if you're inside a giant rolling barrel and are clinging to the sides."
"Just because I let you drive does not mean you can put all of our lives in danger."
"If you're not living life on the edge you're taking up too much space." Spin butted in to the conversation.
"Alright fine I'll fly normally. I was just kidding." Gustaff decided not to take it too far with Jen. "So where're we headed?"
"Dutchland."
"You mean Deutschland?"
"No, what used to be the Netherlands 'til they realized that means the Underworld"
"Ah, ok." He set a course to the Netherlands. "I should really stop living under a rock"
"What?"
"I said what do you know about Rome?"
"Oh, I only really know about his friends and that he hit on me on more than one occasion xd"
"Really? Is his self esteem that high?"
"No, he was forced to do it by this promiscious girl pyro"
"I see."
"Oh, and he went by the name Jake"
"Hmm."
The rest of the plane ride was rather uneventful.
________________________________________
They landed in the middle of Dutchland, an open field.
"How'd you know where we were supposed to land?"
"I didn't."
Gustaff was tired from an extremely long plane ride and dozed off.
"So where we headed sis?" Spin inquired of Jen.
"Wave should be headed right here. I think he comes here with his cat, who supposedly senses his feelings."
"What if he sees the gigantic plane?"
"It's invisible."
"How come I can see it."
"Because you're invisible too?"
"Makes sense."
They waited around a while and sure enough and extremely manly buff dude wearing glasses and carrying a strange looking purplish cat came.
"Hey Wave! xd"
"Who's that!?"
"It's me, Zetta!"
"I think you start getting creepy when you came all the way here just to talk to me."
Gustaff twitched.
"Yeah, well it's about Nitro. I was thinking about all of us meeting up. What do you say?"
Spin took that as a cue to sneak up next to Wave and whisper "do it do it do it"
"I don't know if I have the change"
Gustaff rolled over in his sleep.
"But I didn't thought anyone would care about me enough to do this. Ok!"
Gustaff was tossing and turning by this point.
Spin's subliminal messaging had worked.
They all entered the Plane.
____________________________________
"So. Where to next commander Jen?"
"We're going to the true Netherland. New Zealand, on the bottom of the earth."
"Oh man I'm gonna have to fly upside down now?"
So he did the most dangerous thing in his life. He tipped his plane downwards until it flipped upside down completely and he was on the underside of the Earth.
"AWESOME"
They landed in New Zealand uneventfully yet again. Why wasn't Spin doing any shenanigans? Whatever.
While Wave waited inside with his strange kitty, the mercs and the other girl made their way throughout a small town.
"I think she lives right here"
"How do you know?" Gustaff wanted to know.
"She wanted to do some girl on girl action."
"I'm not touching that one."
Gustaff and Spin waited outside while Jen knocked the door. The door was opened, words were exchanged and she went inside. At least it seemed like they both waited. Spin was missing.
"Spin where are you oh jesus christ"
He went around the house to a side window to see Spin peering in.
"Stop that you gigantic pervert"
"NO! IT CAN'T BE!"
"Oh fine let me see"
"I thought you were asexual"
"Shut up- wait there's nobody there"
"Uh guys, she kinda didn't want to do it. Where are you guys?" Jen's voice could be heard.
Embarrased, they slowly walked out into view.
"We were totally just watching to make sure everything was going fine"
"I thought you were Asexual"
"No I'm the beaner he's the Asexual one"
"SHUT UP ABOUT MY SEXUALITY GODDAMN"
"Well you better shut up about it first. I'm kinda gonna need your help to get some information outta this one."
"Can I be invisible again?" Spin pleaded.
"Sure fine go ahead" Zet-I mean Jen I'mrunningoutofsynonymsforsaid
They entered the house, and Spin was invisible.
Gustaff sat down to talk to the girl known as Pyro.
"I know I've been acting skanky but I'm not actually like that. I... I tease guys on the internet but I can't do that in real life. I don't even like to say the word... you know the s word. That rhymes with Mex."
"DID SOMEONE SAY MEX I'M A MEX" Spin shouted before covering his mouth. Luckily Zetta was smart enough to make him inaudible as well.
"Well I didn't ask anything about you being licentious on the internet, I was just going to ask about Ro- I mean Jake."
"Oh yeah he's probably the guy I tease the most."
"Think he'd be cool with meeting you?"
It was at this point that Spin realized he can't be heard. Come on he's not that dumb. Anyway he still managed to give her the subliminal message "do it" somehow. Or maybe it was all on her own choice because she just said "Ok" without much thought. Probably because she doesn't have the job at the current time.
__________________________________
The airplane landed back in Corrupt Britain in a private Airport only used for military personnel. And that's why they were able to do it without any problems. Ferris was there.
"So I see everything's been going as planned." Ferret, Head of Military walked towards the plane as Gustaff got off.
"I don't really know the whole plan. Also please don't give Spin drugs ever again."
Gustaff quickly made his exit. He had to get something.
"Where's he going?" Ferret asked Jen.
"Beats me."
"Well I need you to tell him when he gets back that C. H. Rome is already on a plane headed towards New York to meet his, uh, friends. You gotta fly back there."
"Ehh, sure thing."
___________________________________
GM came sometime later with a big box he loaded onto the plane.
"Well, where do we go from here."
"We're going to New York. We're also gonna interrogate Wave and Pyro on the way there."
"Oh god more flying guh"
Jen didn't want to let him know she also knew how to fly, because she was afraid she'd do barrel rolls and all sorts of crazy stuff that would endanger the passengers.
And so they flew back to Gustaff's home
___________________________________
"Jake!" Pyro said, with audible hearts. She ran towards Jake and hugged him. "Hi Jake." Said Jen and Wave, almost in unison. "Uh, hi guys." Was his awkward reply. Our two mercs watched from afar and looked over "Jake." If this was indeed Rome, then he looked much better than he said he looked, at least according to the. Goddamn it was like his self esteem was so low all he could do was insult himself.
After the hug, the internet buds just stood around awkwardly for about 5 minutes. Then, someone made their move. A man climbed out of a box nearby. "Sorry I gotta interrupt such a, er, heartwarming... union? You guys never met before right?"
"You!" "Jake" said. "I-I mean, who are you and what do you want?"
"Why I want to join in on the fun!" As he stepped clearer into view it was clear that this was President T. Eightytwo deciding he had to take care of business. How lucky that they decided to not meet up in Manhattan, otherwise there would actually be people around to watch. "But I guess that means I'm also gonna ruin it. You think so, don't you, Jake? Or should I say... Calvin Hobbes Rome!"
"Aw come on I thought at least country leaders wouldn't have tabs kept on him"
"We only started doing that recently."
"Ok... I know what you want. You want to rub it in my face that my government fails. That I'm a terrible leader and I'm not good at anything"
"No I wasn't going to do that 'til you asked for help. The real reason I'm here is to finish things before they start. Brandon!" And an odd looking black dog rushed to his side and started growling. "Those were your ships that attacked New York! They were British ships sent by your liberal orders! Well I'm sorry to have used your internet buddies but I'm gonna kill you in front of them if it means stopping another war."
It was at this moment that Gustaff's own dog, same species as the president's pet, except with a shiny coat rushed outwards.
"No Seigfrie- ah whatever he probably needs the help I bet Rome knows a lot about animals"
"In bed" Spin said before forgetting nobody can hear him.
"What? I was used!" Wave shouted. Gustaff rushed out to grab him and make sure he doesn't make a move. Spin did the same to Pyro but it looked more like she was pretending to be in an invisible headlock.
Rome seemed to give in to fate and hung his head low when the attack dogs started inching closer. Suddenly, Wave's cat came to help, as Wave probably didn't want to see him die. She stood in front of them but all this managed to do was cause Brandon and Seigfried fight each other for her love. Good enough.
"I was kind of hoping for irony in letting animals kill you but I see that's not gonna work. But before I do things myself, you must tell me what you were hoping to accomplish by attacking New York?" President Eightytwo pressed.
"If british ships attacked New York how come I never heard about it?" Gustaff questioned.
"They attacked New York State."
"Ah."
"I didn't send any british ships to attack the U.S." C. H. Rome finally spoke.
"Oh really? Than how come you don't sound like you don't know what I'm talking about."
"I didn't send the ships. I wasn't truly in charge of Great Britain." Rome finally confessed. "Someone else has power over me. The country was already going down hill but someone offered to help, and I gave in because of certain charms he has."
"You expect me to believe that? Silly Rome."
Suddenly a familiar voice crackled on Eightytwo's radio. "President Eightytwo! Great Britain is being taken over by people who seemed to be secretly in charge the whole time! I can't fight back, they have superior technology and numbers- and I don't know where they're coming from!"
It was Ferris!
"That's them." Rome stated.
"You know if you at least tried to get help with this earlier I probably wouldn't have tried to kill you right now." Mr. President pressed a button on his belt, and almost immediately a private jet started hovering nearby. "I don't have time for anything. EVERYONE GET ON!" And that they did. Pyro and Wave were still wondering what exactly was going on.
"I swear to god if I have to drive-" Gustaff was reluctant to get on board. "Don't worry I got that covered." Phil was piloting the jet. The President yelled into the radio. "EVERYONE! SEND AID TO BRITAIN. STANDBY THE DEFENSES. READY THE SECRET LASER CANNONS DEPLOYED ACROSS THE COUNTRY." He didn't feel the need to repeat any of that.
_______________________________
They made it to London in record time. The enemy foot soldiers, covered completely in some sort of Space Marine armor but with what looks to be fox ears sticking out of the helmet and an unseen face. The city was one step short of burning buildings.
Rome called in Ferret. "Ferret! Where are they based?"
"All the commands are being given from the Big Ben! That's where there leader is!"
Rome looked to everyone else. "That's probably where Fox is." He had already given his account of the situation in greater detail to them, though he didn't reveal Fox' true nature to them.
"Phil! FLY INTO THE BIG BEN!"
"What!?" Pyro shouted.
"I didn't deserve to live anyway." Wave sighed.
"Oh god the Irnoy" Gustaff had his head in his hands.
The Jet sped up and boosted it's way to the Big ben. And then into it. And then out the other side.
"A Jet from today is much more durable than a clock tower from the 1850s." Phil said.
"There's still Irnoy here."
The clock tower tilted a bit then it started falling over. Then exploding due to bombs the enemy had placed all over it in case someone tried to infiltrate it.
"Nobody was inside the tower!" Ferret shouted. "But they seem to have stopped receiving orders."
"How do you know?" Gustaff shouted.
"I'd rather not say."
"They were probably being given orders THROUGH the clock tower" Jen shared her insight.
"I think I know where they're coming from. We can use the NASA base you pressured me into letting you build a while ago." Rome said to T. Eightytwo.
"Phil! To Manchester!"
The course was set. They jetted across the once United Kingdom. Mr. President opened his radio again. "NASA! OPEN LOUSY BRIT SPACE BASE!"
And at that moment Manchester was raised above the ground with a giant hole opened in the middle to reveal the piece of U.S. property underneath. The Jet landed right outside. Mr. President, Phil, Spin, Rome, Jen and Gustaff all got out as the base showed clear signs of having been somehow taken over. They got their weapons at the ready and rushed in to storm Lousy Brit Space Base. Wave and Pyro followed them because why the hell not.
They had the element of surprise on their side as Mr. President went in guns ablazing and throwing grenades all over the place while Phil made sure he got a good shot before he pulled his triggers. Jen excelled in CQC and so went closer before pulling off her aweome female fighting powers. Rome was using his decidedly useless FPS skills. Gustaff used his Firearm and jet kick legs to take the fight to the enemy from both near and far while Pyro used her secret New Zealand Fu style martial arts and Wave was using his manliness to take down the mysterious enemy.
Rome knew what they were to do. "Guys! Make a break for experimental hangar 5! What we need is there!" Spin decided to make himself useful and hit the "door open" button. They all rushed inside. To find Space Fighters, the first Space combat ships to be developed by human kind. But standing in front of the massive ships was a disturbing fellow. He was what seemed to be an ugly mix of human and Fox. The Anthropomorphic fellow spoke up. "Going somewhere?"
"You promised to help me, fox! The country didn't improve and now you decide to take over!" Rome shouted.
"Why would I help you? We needed to weaken your government, see? We needed to deliver a few blows from the inside before we decided our full global assault. This Planet will be ours!"
"I figured as much." Rome gunned down Fox anticlimatically. "Who here's a pilot? We need one to man the mother ship and anybody else who's a pilot can take one of the fighters!" Gustaff quickly volunteered to take the mother ship and Mr. President, Rome, Pyro and Wave all got inside. Jen and Phil took two fighters and they took off. The ships flew out into the atmosphere for their final battle. This was a global crisis.
Mr. President delivered what may be his final message. "ATTENTION ALL NATIONS! THIS IS A GLOBAL CRISIS! OUR WORLD IS GOING TO BE TAKEN OVER BY ALIENS RESEMBLING HUMAN/ANIMAL HYBRIDS. THE MILITARY FORCES OF ALL NATIONS WILL UNITE UNDER FERRET, HEAD OF BRITISH MILITARY. DEFEND THE EAR-kkkkshskhk" The transmission stopped once they exited the atmoshpere.
The planet was almost entirely surrounded by the enemy forces. Nonetheless our heroes pushed on dauntlessly to take 'em out. Lasers and missiles were flying left and right. Ships were doing Barrel Rolls, Somersaults and Pilots were certainly using boosts to get through. The enemies focused their attacks on our lone three ships. However, they underestimated the power of the experimental ships. Despite being the first Space Fighters, NASA sure was prepared. Suddenly, the enemy ships all turned invisible.
"Well great." Gustaff said disappointed. "Instead of an epic space battle we're just gonna go down trying to fight things we can't see."
Suddenly another of their Space Fighters flew into view firing shots that clearly hit the invisible ships.
"Who's flying that thing?"
"I think they're invisible!" Jen crackled over the radio. "Whoever it is can see them because when you're invisible you can see invisible things!"
Gustaff quickly hit the "cloak all" button, and his ships too were invisible. And the fight resumed. But the enemy ships were hardly fighting back. They seemed to fire in random places. "They have different cloaking technology! They can't see other invisible things!" Jen Exclaimed.
"Don't they have radar?"
"Guess not."
The size of the enemy army was quickly cutting down in size.
"Mr. President! President! Are you there? Eightytwo!" Their radio spoke again.
"What do you need Ferris?" He'd recognize that voice anywhere.
"The enemy mothership is orbiting the moon right now and they're taking over a lot of our sattelites!"
"TOO THE MOON!" And the 4 ships weaved through the spectacular show of laser showers in space. Once the ship was in view they charged their cannons and readied their missiles. If there was sound in space, the result might have been PSHBSHJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. The explosion was massive and threw every ship for a short loop. And yet the target was still their.
"They have a forcefield!" Ferret updated. "Only extremely concentrated laser fire can take it down! CHARGE YOUR LASER CANNONS!"
"But we just did that" Gustaff protested.
"JUST DO IT. FIRE WHEN I TELL YOU!"
And so they charged, waiting for his word.
"FIIIIIIIRE!"
The fired, but massive beams of energy from elsewhere also fire upon the ship, taking down the forcefield once and for all.
"NOW! UNLOAD ALL YOUR MISSILES!"
"What about all the other enemy ships?"
"JUST DO IT!"
And they fired all their missiles at the enemy ships. At the same time, the earth itself was raining missiles and lasers down on all the enemy forces. What ensued was a series of explosions that probably shifted the Earth's, the moon's and maybe some other planet's orbits. Space itself lit up and all you could see was the destruction of the alien ships everywhere, Debris flying through space, and all were no more.
"Mr. President. Every single alien, down here on earth as well as in space have been wiped out. Return to Earth sir. Return to America."
"Stopped a war with a single battle." And so the ships all returned to earth.
_______________________________
Some time has passed. C. H. Rome was given another chance at running England's government. Ferris was the greatest Warlord in history. President Eightytwo was sure to be elected again. Phil helped C. H. Rome in the job of running a country. Pyro got a job. Wave was even manlier than before. Spin was no longer invisible, and he and Gustaff were ironically not getting any job offers as all of the Earth's nations united against a common enemy and had worked out their problems with each other and worked under Ferret's command as one Earth. Ferret had recovered pieces of the alien technology for scientific research as he used a fursuit to pretend to be one of them before annihlating them. And every singly one of our heroes was hailed by all nations as the saviors of Earth: The Space Furry Destroyers.
And Gustaff got a new sombrero.
Spinning round and round like the deadly hands of a radium clock. 
