Tails82
Lord of Terror++
Loyal Vassal
still...sipping?
Posts: 34,371
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Post by Tails82 on Sept 19, 2009 1:16:04 GMT -5
I was bored so I wrote this. Let me know what you think!
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-Chapter 1-
It was a dark and strormy night. The strorm had most people in their homes due to its severity, but there were a few guys still lurking about outside, probably up to no good. One of these guys was Tails82.
Tails was a spectacularly handsome man, 10 feet tall with fiery eyes and the greatest face in Koredai. His sexiness was matched only by BIASK, another one of these "no-goodniks" the village mothers didn't want their children associating with, lest he objaculate near them and give them rabies. Anyhoo, Tails and BIASK were lurking around Laharls' mansion. No one knows where Laharls got the money, but some say he was responsible for the mass grave of walletless civilians found across town...
No, really. There was an investigation.
All the lights were on at Laharls' mansion, as he was busy entertaining the other influential members of the community. The man on his left, the one known as Wave, was getting a little too drunk for his own good. Sitting across from Laharls was Wave's Espeon friend. Wave would glance over at her every once in a while but for the most part she was ignored by the other two mods. Nitro sat to Laharls' right, chillin' out, maxin' and trying to start a politics discussion.
Suddenly a series of loud booms were heard coming from outside. At first the mods believed it was the sound of thunder, but then they heard whispers coming from the bushes.
"Lol, this will piss off Old Man Harlie!"
"Sure will, hyuk hyuk hyuk"
Those rapscallions were setting off firecrackers! Laharls was the first to spring to action, grabbing his trusty banhammer and rushing out the door.
"I'll get you crazy kids!" He yelled as he ran toward the bushes.
"OSHI-" Tails and BIASK sprang with the quickness, like lightning disappeared.
Right when Laharls got close enough to bash their skulls in, he tripped on the sidewalk.
"SAKURAIIIIIII!!!" screamed Laharls as Tails and BIASK whistled for a cab.
***
"Golly, that sure was close" said Tails82.
"Fun though, hyuk hyuk" replied BIASK.
"I don't know why I do crazy things like that. One of these days Old
Man Harlie's gonna catch up to me and then what'll happen?"
"Aw shucks, it can't be any worse than that Tails Doll Curse you got a few years back."
"Guess you're right. Want a pretzel?"
"Sure thing, Tails. Just let me slip out of this disguise, hyuk hyuk hyuk."
BIASK pulled off his mask, revealing himself to be-
-End of Chapter 1-
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Post by thewave on Sept 19, 2009 5:55:32 GMT -5
Weird, but interesting.
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Post by Chromeo on Sept 19, 2009 8:05:25 GMT -5
I approve of this.
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Post by little j ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ✔ on Sept 19, 2009 8:08:59 GMT -5
Space Furry Destroyer fanfiction?
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BIASK
New Member
Posts: 3
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Post by BIASK on Sept 19, 2009 10:24:30 GMT -5
Don't you mean my '"mask"'?
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Post by Laharls_Wrath on Sept 19, 2009 10:37:47 GMT -5
not bad...
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Tails82
Lord of Terror++
Loyal Vassal
still...sipping?
Posts: 34,371
|
Post by Tails82 on Sept 19, 2009 11:04:32 GMT -5
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-Chapter 2-
"Hey man, do you want a pretzel or not?"
*clears throat* I said, BIASK pulled off his mask, revealing himself to be-
"Golly, this mask ain't comin' off, hyuk hyuk hyuk"
No matter how hard Tails and BIASK tried to get the mask off, nothing would work. They tried yelling, Falcon Punches, a Spinzaku, even the Touch of Death. But nothing would work.
"****ING mask! No-good 3094313ing piece of 7448!" shouted BIASK. "Oh well, guess I'll be like this for a while."
"Cool story bro. Cool story." said Tails.
The cab pulled up to Damville and the two went their separate ways.
"Oh, that crazy BIASK" Tails82 muttered. "What will we ever do with him?"
***
The strorm had stopped overnight and the next day was shaping up to be a beautiful one. The sun was out, the birds were chirping, and it was such a clear day that if you took a glance out to sea from the boardwalk, you could make out the coast of far-off Gamefaqs.
It was a small community, settled by gamefaqs immigrants who had left to escape from the iron rule of the Modding Tyrants. It was a mostly peaceful town, despite a few random shenanigans that took place every once in a while. Mayor Laharls was known to have quite the temper, and there were a few ne'er-do-wells who liked pushing his buttons. But he was well-liked by the citizens, and sometimes affectionitely referred to as "Uncle Harlie." Wave and Nitro were his two assistants. Since they both lived in different time zones they could tell the future, an ability that was quite useful. Wave usually took the day shift at the Town Hall, which he watched over fairly and justly, providing he didn't have a hangover. Nitro took the night shift, as he believed his secret plans for EU world domination were best conducted under cover of darkness.
Now as for the village residents...there was tox, a rather eccentric individual (but then again, who isn't a little crazy in this town?). He liked to constantly change things, always going up to the Town Hall and suggesting the streetlamps be painted a different color, or the town inhabitants should all switch houses for a day. His ideas were a little weird sometimes, but Laharls didn't care. He had no problem with his desire to constantly change things.
Down the street lived Ferret Warlord, a rather wise fellow who liked to stay out of the silly little squabbles of the town. His house was quite a ways back from the road, but not too far from the local Petco. Laharls had practically begged Ferret to move into his town, obviously to keep an eye on him...as a competing warlord could be quite the threat if left unchecked.
Zetta was a mysterious one, lurking about the streets and posting random pictures around the village square...perhaps to lighten the mood. Spinbel was another one of those "Objaculator" fellows, but his house had been unoccupied for a few weeks now. Probably off on some grand adventure, no doubt. Though he still found the time for the occasional visit.
Speaking of "Objaculators," the most awesome member of them all, who went by the name "Awsome_Turtwig" was a lumberjack mountain man who lived in the hills, stopping by occasionally to cut down some trees with his Razor Leaf. He had quite the ego, and even went so far as to videotape himself hacking down the trees to show off his awesome power. He'd then transport his lumber across the sea to Gamefaqs and show off his hax videos to the people there.
Up above the town was a place known as Damville, where BIASK made his home. He was in charge of making sure the dam was kept up to shape, and of keeping wild Salamences out of town. And then there was Tails82, town detective and leader of the Super Solvers, although more recently it was remarked he was more similar to the Master of Mischief.
Now why exactly was Tails82's detective role so important? Because, while no one would dare admit it publicly, there had been a series of disappearances in the recent past. It was his duty to find out where the missing people were. Sometimes they'd turn up on their own, sometimes he found a lead on his visits to gamefaqs, but sometimes people seemed to vanish off the face of the planet. Now vanishing off the face of the planet didn't sound very appealing to the town's residents, who wanted assurance that they would remain safe here on EARTH! So Tails was constantly busy hunting for an answer. But while his job was super srs, he usually wasn't. Laharls did not like it when Tails slacked off and didn't take his job seriously.
And the residents of the town went about their daily business, unaware of the fact that grave danger was about to befall them...
-End of Chapter 2-
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Post by Laharls_Wrath on Sept 19, 2009 11:18:20 GMT -5
pretty decent
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Post by little j ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ✔ on Sept 19, 2009 11:30:48 GMT -5
I'm waiting for when Espeon Girl and Espeonn enter the scene.
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Post by Chromeo on Sept 19, 2009 12:57:13 GMT -5
Espeon Girl was already in...
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Post by Chromeo on Sept 19, 2009 13:02:04 GMT -5
Maybe there'll be a limp romance scene though... who knows?
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Tails82
Lord of Terror++
Loyal Vassal
still...sipping?
Posts: 34,371
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Post by Tails82 on Sept 19, 2009 13:09:10 GMT -5
I don't. I'm just makin' this up as I go along.
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Post by little j ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ✔ on Sept 19, 2009 20:43:41 GMT -5
Chapter 1 mentions Espeon, but I just assumed it was a regular ol' Pokémon it was talking about.
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Tails82
Lord of Terror++
Loyal Vassal
still...sipping?
Posts: 34,371
|
Post by Tails82 on Sept 20, 2009 2:32:13 GMT -5
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -Chapter 3- It all started when Laharls went to his fridge one day for his daily pudding. To his chagrin, he was out. "How could this have happened?" he wondered. "I bought one of those stupid 7-packs Tails was bragging about. Unless...that disloyal jerk's trying to trick me again! Well this time he's gone too far!" Laharls rushed out into the streets, swearing vengeance. It just so happened Nitro was shouting and swearing as well. He was a pudding short too! "This is terrible" said Nitro. "Something like this would never happen if our town joined the EU." "I bet it's that no-good Tails being cheap and cutting out a pudding to save money! As mayor and overlord, I won't stand for this!" "Dude, it's just a pudding." "BUT TOMORROW IT COULD BE 2 PUDDINGS! DON'T YOU SEE HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS!? WE MUST CRUSH HIM NOW BEFORE HE GOES TOO FAR!" In fact, there were a bunch of people who were a pudding short. Normally Tails would try to solve this mystery, but he was the prime suspect and Laharls couldn't trust him. So instead he decided to hold a town meeting. Nearly everyone in town showed up! There hadn't been a turnout this big since the Great Pretzel Shortage of '02! Laharls decided to start the town meeting the same way Festivus began: with the airing of grievances. "This is awful!" shouted BIASK, tears streaming down his manly cheeks. "I always start my day out with a tasty Piplup pudding. Without it, my whole routine's wrecked. I couldn't remember what I was supposed to do next! Is today the day I practice my rollout, or is it poker night? Was I supposed to do dam maintenance this afternoon or stalk Harlie's sist-oh wait, best not say anything about that, hyuk hyuk hyuk." Ferret was next. "My day just isn't the same without my delicious peanut butter pudding. I like it so much, sometimes I have 2! But I swear I limited myself to one a day this week. Someone's pilfered my pudding, and I'd like to know who." "All right people, it's quite obvious we're all angry and horny right now" said Laharls, who totally decided to make an original comment rather than fall back on a Simpsons reference. "This is obviously the work of TAILS, that little backstabber. I say we tar and feather him good!" The crowd, enraged over their lost pudding, momentarily forgot how awesome Tails was and decided to all be meanies. They dragged Tails up to the stand (I always wanted to be carried away kicking and screaming  ) and Laharls began to interrogate him. "Listen up, Tails. You can tell us right now what you did to our missing pudding cups or I can give you 82 lashes" snarled Laharls. "82 lashes, eh? Sounds sexy..." replied Tails. "IT'S NOT SEXY AT ALL, DAMMIT? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" But Tails was too busy fanticizing about some stupid random number to listen to Laharls. "I'll give you one more chance...tell me where the pudding is. You do NOT want to be on the receiving end of my wrath." But Tails was still off in his little fantasy world. Laharls: *sigh* 81 lashes. Tails: D: "Okay, I'll tell you everything." "You don't need to do that, just tell me about the part where your guilty." "http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=3261185" "Oh God no, not this 3094313-ing objection crap! Your outta line Tails!" "http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=3261185" "****!" Tails: (laughs) "I'm not guilty, dagnabbit! And I can prove it!" "Well all right. I'll be a benevolent dictator for once and allow a trial. But NO objections!" objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=3261191"Mother3094313er!" The trial was set to continue at noon. But first, a brief recess. -End of Chapter 3- --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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Post by Chromeo on Sept 20, 2009 6:26:17 GMT -5
Come on, surely I'm not that two dimensional... right?...
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Spinning round and round like the deadly hands of a radium clock. 
) and Laharls began to interrogate him.