Thoughts and an explanation of sorts...
Dec 2, 2009 15:45:12 GMT -5
Post by Laharls_Wrath on Dec 2, 2009 15:45:12 GMT -5
After yesterday there are some things that need to be said
First and foremost I wish to provide some insight into what may have caused such an outburst lately.
Recently, I have been having trouble sleeping. Having difficulty falling asleep, only to wake early in the morning has become frustrating. This lack of sleep has caused me to become increasingly more worn out day after day. Yesterday I also had to sit through a soul crushing drivers education lecture for over an hour. After this I felt worn thin and was looking forward to coming home to some relaxation. Needless to say when I turned on my PC and saw the alt was not just any alt, but was an alt for multiple people, I was furious.
Seeing as I was not in the best mood at the time this made the anger all the more prevalent.
I am sure it has become quite clear to you all, by now, that I have difficulties controlling my emotions on the internet. Something about it just makes me lose emotional control, perhaps it is because you cannot suppress emotions forever. It is now clear that none of you wish to put p with this further, nor should you, however, I will change for no human. So the only solution I see would be for you all to either endure it, or for me to leave you all.
Furthermore, after yesterday I see that you all will never understand the way I feel about alts. I see the way you see them, but sadly, it seems, you are blind to my perspective. This is nothing new, yet it shows how we are further divided, and how we always shall be. For peace to be restored this difference must end, and I see no way to end it. You may wish for me to explain the way I see alts but I shall not. No amount of explanation will allow you to see them with my eyes if you have not already.
Lastly, it is clear you are tired of me as your admin. It is fueling resentments. Obviously, you do not wish to have an admin who's views are so different than your own. To me, it seems that you would prefer that alt over me. Sadly, I see that peace shall never exist while I am on these forums, you have made that clear from yesterday, so there is but one solution, yet this is something I cannot do. Based on a past attempt to leave I know that I do not have the will to do so, I shall reign as admin as long as blood flows through my veins, unless some unforeseeable action occurs in the future, however I can still attempt to go on a hiatus of sorts. Perhaps this will be for an indefinite amount of time. All I know is that I want the best for this place, I care for you all, and in order to give you the best I must leave. It is clear now that you would rather me gone.
I wish we could return to our roots, but sadly the past cannot be revisited. As Emerson once wrote "man postpones or remembers; he does not live in the present, but with reverted eye laments on the past". I have become such a person, but I have seen the truth yesterday. The truth which has escaped me for so long and has finally showed its ugly head. I see I am no longer wanted here. Good luck to all of you, we shall see what the future brings.
I hope I have made my current state of mind clear to you all, yet I foresee no happy future for our group.
I just hope that now you all understand...
First and foremost I wish to provide some insight into what may have caused such an outburst lately.
Recently, I have been having trouble sleeping. Having difficulty falling asleep, only to wake early in the morning has become frustrating. This lack of sleep has caused me to become increasingly more worn out day after day. Yesterday I also had to sit through a soul crushing drivers education lecture for over an hour. After this I felt worn thin and was looking forward to coming home to some relaxation. Needless to say when I turned on my PC and saw the alt was not just any alt, but was an alt for multiple people, I was furious.
Seeing as I was not in the best mood at the time this made the anger all the more prevalent.
I am sure it has become quite clear to you all, by now, that I have difficulties controlling my emotions on the internet. Something about it just makes me lose emotional control, perhaps it is because you cannot suppress emotions forever. It is now clear that none of you wish to put p with this further, nor should you, however, I will change for no human. So the only solution I see would be for you all to either endure it, or for me to leave you all.
Furthermore, after yesterday I see that you all will never understand the way I feel about alts. I see the way you see them, but sadly, it seems, you are blind to my perspective. This is nothing new, yet it shows how we are further divided, and how we always shall be. For peace to be restored this difference must end, and I see no way to end it. You may wish for me to explain the way I see alts but I shall not. No amount of explanation will allow you to see them with my eyes if you have not already.
Lastly, it is clear you are tired of me as your admin. It is fueling resentments. Obviously, you do not wish to have an admin who's views are so different than your own. To me, it seems that you would prefer that alt over me. Sadly, I see that peace shall never exist while I am on these forums, you have made that clear from yesterday, so there is but one solution, yet this is something I cannot do. Based on a past attempt to leave I know that I do not have the will to do so, I shall reign as admin as long as blood flows through my veins, unless some unforeseeable action occurs in the future, however I can still attempt to go on a hiatus of sorts. Perhaps this will be for an indefinite amount of time. All I know is that I want the best for this place, I care for you all, and in order to give you the best I must leave. It is clear now that you would rather me gone.
I wish we could return to our roots, but sadly the past cannot be revisited. As Emerson once wrote "man postpones or remembers; he does not live in the present, but with reverted eye laments on the past". I have become such a person, but I have seen the truth yesterday. The truth which has escaped me for so long and has finally showed its ugly head. I see I am no longer wanted here. Good luck to all of you, we shall see what the future brings.
I hope I have made my current state of mind clear to you all, yet I foresee no happy future for our group.
I just hope that now you all understand...
Spinning round and round like the deadly hands of a radium clock. 
